we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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