my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well I just put wine in my tea
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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