I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
