i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
honey bunches of taint.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
