i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
