so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Randomize
