she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
When are your genitals available?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
