Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize