Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
3 2 1 whiskey
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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