Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
