My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
