I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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