His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
