he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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