so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize