Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
