think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
