Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
40s are totally the cure
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize