I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
