What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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