No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
