I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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