He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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