I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
