fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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