Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So vagazzling was a success
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
