Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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