And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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