in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We were destined to go to rehab together
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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