My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
