In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
