fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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