I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
