from now on my penis is your penis
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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