i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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