If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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