Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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