Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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