I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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