I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize