New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
