question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
