Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize