I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
