dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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