I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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