The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
