Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
