I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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