Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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