Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
