I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
