so let's talk penis.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
