and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
