The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize