So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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