Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
