i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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