check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
