Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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