I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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