I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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