i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
