Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
