Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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