My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
