Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
