I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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