ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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