I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
